Mentor up: How to be a great mentee and drive your own growth

In Alexandre Dumas’ classic The Count of Monte Cristo, we follow the story of a modest young sailor, Edmond Dantès, who — despite great tribulations and misfortune — rises from the depths after nine years of wrongful imprisonment to become one of the most educated, respected, and powerful leaders of his time. Driven by a desire for justice, he seeks vengeance on those who wronged him and his family.

This remarkable transformation wasn’t accomplished alone. The catalyst for Edmond’s metamorphosis was his serendipitous prison mate, Abbé Faria. A learned priest and scholar with extensive knowledge in the arts, languages, politics, and philosophy, the abbé took Edmond under his wing. Together, they spent countless hours attempting to dig their way out of prison but also cultivating Edmond’s intellect and worldview. Their bond culminated in the abbé disclosing the location of a hidden treasure — providing Edmond with the means to pursue his mission.  

Over several years of confinement, the abbé educates Edmond through structured daily lessons, teaching him languages, literature, logic, economics, and strategy. This mentorship is rooted in patience, discipline, and a genuine desire to elevate the student. The abbé recognizes Edmond’s potential and commits himself to developing his intellect and character — not for personal gain but to help him rise above injustice. Similarly, Edmond doesn’t passively receive this guidance; he actively engages in his learning.

The mentor-led dynamic continues to shape how mentorship is commonly viewed in professional fields like healthcare. While this timeless model remains relevant, today’s healthcare landscape increasingly calls for a more balanced, mentee-driven approach — one in which both parties actively contribute to the growth process. 

From guidance to collaboration

The traditional mentorship model still resonates in healthcare, where the focus has centered on the mentor’s responsibility to guide and develop emerging professionals. Whether it is a seasoned practice manager training a new supervisor, a nurse leader mentoring new graduates, or a senior physician coaching a resident, the expectation has typically been that the mentor drives the relationship.  

Conventional mentorship models have historically emphasized the mentor’s role as the expert guide, responsible for shaping the mentee’s growth through knowledge transfer and career advice.¹ However, this top-down dynamic often overlooks the valuable contributions that mentees can and should make. While this traditional approach holds merit, today’s complex, fast-paced environment demands more. Mentees must evolve from passive recipients of guidance into active participants, taking initiative and co-shaping the relationship. 

Emerging perspectives on mentorship emphasize that mentees are not passive recipients but active co-creators of the relationship, sharing equal power and responsibility in its success.² This intentional shift cultivates a more dynamic relationship by incorporating mutual accountability, proactive goal-setting, and continuous feedback, which are especially vital in a high-pressure field such as healthcare management. 

Mentoring cannot depend solely on the mentor’s initiative. Proactive mentees — those who reflect, set goals, and seek feedback — are better equipped to adapt to complexity and assume leadership roles.³ Those who take ownership of their learning and embrace self-awareness are more likely to gain meaningful insights from mentorship and contribute to organizational progress in complex healthcare systems.⁴ 

The shift in perspective: Mentees as drivers of growth 

The first step in reframing mentorship for mentees is transforming them from passive recipients to active participants. This shift places mentees in control, enabling them to drive their own growth and development. By adopting a more engaged stance, mentees can accelerate their learning, clarify career trajectories, and significantly enhance their mentorship experiences. However, success in this model hinges on the mentee’s willingness and ability to invest more in their own advancement.  

Consider the example of a staff nurse preparing for a nurse manager role. Instead of awaiting instructions from her mentor, the nurse entered each mentoring session with a structured agenda, concentrating on leadership competencies such as team communication and budget management. She actively sought performance feedback, identified areas for improvement, and volunteered to lead a quality improvement project. Her initiative deepened the mentoring relationship and positioned her as a strong internal candidate for a management position, ultimately resulting in her promotion. 

Similarly, a newly hired clinic administrator recognized the need to improve operational efficiency in a busy primary care clinic. Rather than depending exclusively on top-down training, he sought mentorship from a senior operations director, consistently bringing specific challenges and data insights to conversations. He proposed job-shadowing opportunities and asked for guidance on Lean methodologies. Through this active engagement, he successfully implemented a patient flow improvement pilot, increasing same-day appointment availability and gaining executive-level recognition. His initiative and accountability transformed the mentorship into a springboard for visible, strategic impact. 

By encouraging initiative and determination, this mentorship framework supports professional growth, strengthens skill sets, fosters meaningful relationships, and positions mentees for future opportunities. 

Core traits of a successful mentee 

Creating a successful mentorship framework requires recognizing that the mentee’s intentionality and effort directly influence the effectiveness of the relationship. Core attributes of a high-performing mentee include genuine eagerness to learn, consistent and thoughtful engagement with the mentor, sustained commitment to professional development, and a proactive approach to overcoming challenges and seeking solutions.⁵  

Additional traits further enhance meaningful growth, including curiosity, self-awareness, openness to constructive feedback, consistent accountability, a growth mindset, resilience, and genuine respect for the mentor’s time. Collectively, these qualities foster a balanced dynamic where mentees take ownership of their learning and foster a collaborative relationship with their mentors. 

To fully leverage these attributes, mentees should engage in honest self-assessment to identify strengths, areas for growth, and behavioral tendencies impacting their progress. By addressing these areas and establishing clear personal goals, mentees become more receptive, adaptable, and prepared to take ownership of their development throughout the mentorship process. 

Preparing for mentorship meetings

Maximizing mentorship sessions requires thoughtful preparation, candid reflection, and reliable follow-through. When preparing an agenda, mentees should articulate specific meeting objectives, such as soliciting feedback on a recent challenge, exploring delegation strategies, improving time management, or balancing leadership demands with personal life priorities. Clearly define objectives facilitate focused and productive discussions. 

Transparency about desired outcomes from the mentorship relationship enables mentors to tailor their guidance effectively. When preparing agendas, mentees should carefully consider specific skills they want to develop, desired career insights, potential networking opportunities, and strategies to enhance professional marketability.  

Mentees should practice reflective listening during meetings. Reflective listening involves fully engaging with and understanding another person’s perspectives, actively confirming comprehension rather than merely hearing words. This technique ensures clarity for the mentee and validation for the mentor, facilitating problem resolution, conflict management, and deeper connections.⁶ Incorporating reflective listening consistently will significantly enhance the quality and effectiveness of mentorship interactions.  

Reflecting on and applying feedback 

Growth occurs when mentees genuinely reflect upon and implement feedback. Upon receiving feedback, pause to fully absorb it before responding. Ask clarifying questions to ensure comprehension and resist the impulse to immediately justify actions. This openness demonstrates to mentors that their insights are valued. Practicing reflective listening by summarizing feedback ensures clarity and maintains a productive dialogue. 

After processing the feedback, translate insights into actionable steps. Set straightforward, achievable goals — ideally using a SMART framework — or outline concrete actions to address specific points. Reporting back on these actions at subsequent meetings reinforces accountability and signals a commitment to growth. Even modest adjustments, consistently applied, yield meaningful progress. 

Following through between meetings 

Consistent follow-through between mentorship sessions is equally essential. After each meeting, document key takeaways, next steps, and new ideas. Maintaining a dedicated journal or tracking document helps with goal alignment, progress monitoring, and ensures preparation for upcoming sessions. This disciplined approach underscores seriousness about personal development beyond momentary responses to guidance. Moreover, it fosters key organizational and prioritization skills.  

Engagement need not be limited to scheduled sessions. Brief interim communications — email updates, relevant articles, or targeted questions — help maintain momentum and demonstrate initiative. Crucially, mentees must embrace their primary role in driving personal growth. Mentors offer guidance and support, but mentees bear ultimate responsibility for their development journey. Proactive ownership and ongoing dialogue amplify the value of mentorship. 

A self-assessment: Are you mentoring up?

Use this tool to evaluate how effectively you’re showing up as a mentee. The stronger your engagement, the more value you’ll gain from your mentorship. Rate each item from 1 (Rarely) to 5 (Always):

The path ahead 

Successful mentorship relies on reciprocity — mentees gain proportionally to what they invest. Maximizing this opportunity accelerates personal development and positions mentees advantageously within the healthcare sector.  

Through active engagement, mentees gain essential skills that prepare them for future mentorship roles, as effective mentees often become influential mentors. Their accumulated experiences, insights, and growth lessons learned contribute to future mentees and strengthen your organization’s leadership pipeline. 

The ability to develop others is a sought-after skill that can significantly enhance your career trajectory. Robust leadership development elevates organizational performance, aligns culture with strategic objectives, and drives better retention and advancement for team members at every level. 

While Edmond ultimately escapes, discovers the treasure, and rewrites his fate, one could argue the true treasure was the mentorship itself — providing intellect, confidence, and strategic acumen to shape his future. Likewise, today’s empowered mentees have the capacity not only to transform their own paths but to inspire and empower others along the way. 

Notes:

1. Ragins BR, Kram KE. (2007). The Handbook of Mentoring at Work: Theory, Research, and Practice. Sage Publications. 
2. Allen TD, Eby LT. (2010). The Blackwell Handbook of Mentoring: A Multiple Perspectives Approach. Wiley-Blackwell. 
3. Hafler JP, Ownby AR, Thompson BM, et al. (2011). “Fostering the development of master adaptive learners: a conceptual model to guide skill acquisition in medical education.” Academic Medicine, 86(11), 1290–1295. 
4. Sambunjak D, Straus SE, Marušić A. (2006). “Mentoring in academic medicine: a systematic review.” JAMA, 296(9), 1103–1115. 
5. Feinberg School of Medicine. (n.d.). “Qualities of a good mentee.” Northwestern University. Available from: http://bit.ly/41gKZiS 
6. Katz N, McNulty K. “Reflective Listening.” (1994) Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs, Syracuse University. Available from: https://bit.ly/3V8wdXN